Posts tagged with "me"
my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear today…
yes i have 600 teddy bears, but this one is very very special.
he was hospitalized when he was younger for little kid health issues and thats when he got this teddy bear from his grandma, the one who basically raised him the first 10 years of his life. he told me that she said whenever this bear is with you, everything will be okay. and it was he said. so today he brought it to me and told me that story and he said make sure you take care of him and remember that when hes with you everything is going to be okay. he said, i feel like you need it more than me right now and everything is going to be okay. the bear even has a whole in its back because its so old and used but i sewed it up. its the best gift anyone could ever give to me. theres a wonderful meaning behind it, unlike all my other bears and im going to take robert (we named him after his grandpa who is currently suffering from a cancerous tumor) everywhere so everything is always okay.
Just realized that what im justifying as healthy eating is actually me relapsing. Im starting to develop fear foods again and I dont mind skipping lunch. Actually I try to because it makes me feel amazing. I don’t even know what the fuck recovery is or what it looks like and im so fucking confused as to how im supposed to do thi
s by myself. Im starting to enjoy the image of me wasting away in the mirror again and it really fucking scares me. Also, im under 112 pounds and working out 6 days a week is not helping that number go up. I think im trying to cure myself and that is not possible. Im sabotaging myself purposely. And im really fucking hungry right now. Torn between whether to ball my eyes out or give myself a high five.
These next months of summer are going to be dedicated to me becoming more me and happier and exploring and positive thinking and kind of a zen feel of life where everything is just so pleasant and wonderful. Where I’m just floating along ok with the good and the bad and embracing it. I’ve seen too,Amy young people go before their time and be set back and it’s just not worth it to be sad about stupid things. It’s okay to be sad but I’ve been sad too long and it’s time for me to enjoy